I was just invited to like a FB page of a person who I shan’t name here (because I’m actually a nicer person than most people think I am). Okay, sometimes I’m nicer.
Anyway, this guy’s job description was “King of Farts.”
Intrigued by that personal branding choice, I scrolled down through his feed to see this cheese cutting master announce that he’d farted seven times in a minute. Dude. What do you EAT?
In another post, our virtuoso vapor launcher announced that he felt a big one coming on. Thank God there was a farting context for that, or I’d have been on my way to report him FB!
But when our trouser trumpeter launched into a detailed description of what it feels like to fart during sex, I have to confess, he lost me.
Don’t get me wrong. I write romance novels, and yes, they do include fully realized sex scenes. But I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that if I wrote my hero cutting loose with a big juicy one that sounds like a whoopee cushion on refried beans, I’d catch a wee bit of hell from my readers.
Shockingly, this fabulously flatulant specimen of male come hitherdom had nothing but young Asian girls as friends on his FB feed. But now, he has apparently turned his miraculous talent to the task of wooing American woman.
So ladies and gents, I ask: do you find the prospect of a prodigious pooter a turn on?
And by the way, in case you need a list of 150 catchy phrases for farting and are feeling a tiny bit juvenile, I give you the definitive list…